1. An Australian tourist told his tour guide that he was going to die. The guide quickly phoned the emergency services. When they arrived, the tourist was very confused - "no, no, no, I said I was going TODAY".
2. Some soldiers found three hand grenades and were very happy as this would earn them a promotion. They walked along, juggling them in their hands. Another soldier stopped them and said "hey, what are you doing? what if one of them goes off?" The soldiers replied, "it's ok, we'll just say we only found 2".
(sorry!) just passing on some local humour...
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